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Category Archives: Animal Assassinations

One Murderer Kills Another’s Would-Be Victim

A greedy murderer in northeastern England is whining that one of her would-be victims was mortally wounded by a sadistic interloper. According to The Press, “Joe Beckett, who farms near Marton, discovered one of her sheep with gunshots [sic] wounds early on Tuesday morning. … Its injuries were so severe it had to be euthanised.” “As farmers […]

Meet “Kid Schadenfreude,” a 4-Year-Old Animal-Attack Connoisseur

Yesterday, I ran into a friend whom I hadn’t seen in several years. It came up in conversation that her 4-year-old son is a budding connoisseur of successful animal-on-human attacks. Naturally, I proposed that my friend, whom we’ll call “Lady Gogo,” read my latest blog post to her son and record his reaction. My most […]

Montana Officials Kill, Blow Up Orphaned Moose

“If you don’t think hunting agencies are the enemies of wildlife, you don’t know much about hunting agencies.” — Joe Miele, president, Committee to Abolish Sport Hunting That comment was posted to the Committee to Abolish Sport Hunting Facebook page last week, along with a link to a sickening news story published by The Dodo about an […]

Hunter Being Killed by Elephant Was Not a Tragedy

On Wednesday, an individual named Graydon posted a response to a commentary I published here nearly three years ago headlined “Hunter Killed by Buffalo in Zimbabwe.” “Hunters who obey the laws, who are the vast, vast majority, are in fact helping more animals than they kill,” Graydon wrote. That, of course, is a nonsensical, self-serving rationalization […]

Hunter-Education Instructor Grooms Generations of Serial Killers

For 50 years, Leonard Howke has been teaching young people how to kill without hurting themselves or other humans. Howke is a 72-year-old Whitefish, Montana, resident who, along with other degenerate lowlifes, was recently honored by the Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks agency for his half-century of volunteerism. The Daily Inter Lake, a Kalispell-based newspaper, saw fit […]

“Squirrel Slam”: The Holleycaust Continues

As I write this, numerous barbarians in Holley, New York, are on a killing spree, each slaughtering as many squirrels as he or she can for the chance to win cash and guns. They do it every year as participants in a killing contest called “Squirrel Slam,” a fundraiser for the local fire department, whose slogan might as […]

Again, U.S. Sportsmen’s Alliance Claims Hunters are Victims

One cannot take pleasure in killing and at the same time bitch about being bullied. But we’ve come to expect that kind of pants-soiling whining from the brain-dead thugs at the U.S. Sportsmen’s Alliance. Earlier this month, that wretched gang of twisted monsters rushed to the defense of a dim-witted terrorist named Jeff Thomason, who can’t understand why anyone […]

Slaughtered Deer on Display in Syracuse “Art” Exhibit

It’s common for art galleries to receive a fresh coat of paint between one exhibit coming down and another being installed. Come October 20, the Syracuse University Art Galleries are going to need a hazmat-suit-requiring floor-to-ceiling deep cleaning to remove any and all traces of the Neanderthals who might have visited the place to see a repulsive and inanely […]

Monsters at Copenhagen Zoo Inspire Plan for Human Zoo

I’m looking into the possibility of opening a human zoo in Copenhagen. The legalities of the thing will no doubt present some challenges, but I think I’ve found a way to make it work — and to make some real money. To be fair, my good friend Monty Gelstein is the one who suggested calling […]

Drooling Class Lionizes Thug Who Murdered 500-Pound Hog

Predictably, the drooling class is making a hero of a lowlife cracker who shot and killed a 500-pound hog in North Carolina. The Greenville, N.C.-based CBS affiliate WNCT-TV reported earlier this month that “Conetoe hunter Jett Webb recently shot and killed a massive wild hog. He spotted the 500-pound, 8-foot-long beast in Bertie County near […]