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Category Archives: Animal Assassinations

After Execution of Giraffe, It’s Fair to Compare Copenhagen Zoo Director to Josef Mengele

The following is an open letter to Copenhagen Zoo Scientific Director Bengt Holst, who recently ordered the execution of a healthy 18-month-old giraffe named Marius, whose lifeless body was thereafter publicly butchered and fed to captive lions. Dr. Mengele, Shit, did I just refer to you that way? Well why the hell shouldn’t I? I […]

Bears Who Didn’t Attack Florida Woman Executed by Wildlife Gestapo

After 54-year-old Seminole County, Florida, resident Susan Chalfant sustained injuries during a Dec. 2, 2013, encounter with a black bear, the state’s vengeful Wildlife Gestapo profiled, captured, and executed two animals and imprisoned three others. No sooner had the state’s death squad executed a female bear than they turned their punitive attention to a male […]

On the Dallas Safari Club’s Insulting Claim that Rhino Hunt is Motivated by Altruism

A monstrous serial killer named Corey Knowlton has paid $350,000 for a license to kill a black rhinoceros in Namibia. According to News Corp Australia, “Knowlton purchased the controversial permit — auctioned off at a Dallas Safari Club event … from the Namibian government to hunt an endangered black rhino. The event was framed as […]

Foundation for Wildlife Management Incentivizes Trappers to Join War on Wolves in Idaho

State and federal thugs have welcomed a new aggressor to the Axis of Evil that is prosecuting the merciless War on Wolves in Idaho. Meet the Foundation for Wildlife Management, a group of ruthless evildoers who are offering bounties to trappers who torturously capture and murder wolves in the state’s Panhandle. In an article that […]

Elephant Brutally Executed for Daring to Behave Like an Elephant

The South African Press Association is reporting that “several people have reacted with outrage at the Kruger National Park’s decision to kill an aggressive elephant bull that attacked a couple on Monday.” Add me to the list of those who are infuriated by park officials’ vengeful behavior. The gist of the story is that a […]

On Hunting, God, and a Loathsome Place Where Both are Worshipped

“… let us remind those who celebrate after visiting death on other species that we have gathered here today with no blood on our hands …”  I spoke those words back in March, to congregants at my Washington, D.C.-based church, Karmic Balance Ministries. And soon, I’ll be able to deliver that message to righteous residents […]

On the Royal Family’s Boxing Day Pheasant Shoot, Or, the Indoctrination of Prince George

The following is an open letter to Prince William, Duke of Cambridge. Willie, you limey bastard, I’m sure you can’t wait to indoctrinate your five-month-old son in the savage ways of the royal drooling class. Tomorrow, as you know, is Boxing Day, the annual occasion on which your liver-spotted grandpa Phil gets the menfolk together […]

While We Can Decide Not to Watch “Duck Dynasty,” Animals Have No Say About Being Hunted

After hearing bits and pieces about Phil Robertson being suspended from A&E’s reality series Duck Dynasty, I decided to bring myself up to speed on the story. As I understand it, there’s a TV program on the above-mentioned network about a family of thuggish rednecks whose business is supplying duck hunters with tools of the […]

Cow Killed After Slaughterhouse Escape, Or, Prisoner Executed Following Death-Camp Breakout

A prisoner hell-bent on securing her freedom was executed last week after breaking out of a Mexican death camp. As the Yuma Sun (Yuma, Ariz.) reported, the inmate jumped a fence at the city-run extermination camp in San Luis Rio Colorado, Mexico, and killed a local man, before law-enforcement officials gunned her down. In the […]

Raw Evil Captured in Footage from Festival of Sacrifice

On Friday, I watched the video included above, not because I wanted to, obviously, but out of some sense of obligation. Perhaps that’s a projection on my part, inasmuch as I wish those who typically choose to look away from such horrors would, just once, stare them in the face, however sickening and heartbreaking doing […]