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Category Archives: Hunting Accidents

LancasterOnline and the Normalization of Human Arrogance

It would be easy to make fun of LNP’s asinine headline “No hunting-related shooting deaths were recorded in Pennsylvania in 2016” were it not such a depressing reflection of our largely indifferent society. In the article to which that thoughtless headline is attached, Pennsylvania Game Commission Executive Director Bryan Burhans is quoted as saying “hunting is safer […]

Hunter Population Numbers One Fewer

Once in a while, in addition to giving us reason to celebrate, news of a fatal hunting incident can provide a decent grammar lesson. First, the news. According to the Associated Press, an inebriated dimwit in Florida, while taking a break from killing fish, checked to see if his handgun was loaded by putting the thing to his largely empty noggin and […]

Hunter Being Killed by Elephant Was Not a Tragedy

On Wednesday, an individual named Graydon posted a response to a commentary I published here nearly three years ago headlined “Hunter Killed by Buffalo in Zimbabwe.” “Hunters who obey the laws, who are the vast, vast majority, are in fact helping more animals than they kill,” Graydon wrote. That, of course, is a nonsensical, self-serving rationalization […]

Hunter Mowed Down in Inspiring Accident

I was screaming into a pillow when the red phone rang. It was my good friend Monty Gelstein, calling from what sounded like the inside of a lawn mower. “What is that goddamned racket?” I shouted, tortured enough by the noise in my head. “It’s my new combine,” Monty explained. “I’m taking it for a spin.” […]

Hunter Falls to His Death; Oh, How I Wish He’d Been Pushed

If a hunter falls off the side of a mountain, does anybody hear him scream on the way down? It’s certainly a sound that would be music to my ears. And if I aim my ears to the west and listen very, very carefully, I can almost hear the echo of a vicious bastard named […]

Raise Money to Protect Animals, Let Wounded Hunters Die

Nothing would fill me with rage more than being stuck at an intersection where a bunch of mouth-breathing troglodytes were raising money to help the “victim” of a hunting accident. A few weeks ago, in Etowah County, Alabama, the community set out to do just that, in an effort to help pay a worthless thug’s medical bills. On […]

Giant Anteaters Fatally Maul Hunters in Brazil

Imagine my delight upon reading the headline “Two Hunters Attacked and Killed by Giant Anteaters in Brazil.” Anteaters? Who knew? But hell, I’ll take it. And I hope the hunters suffered. In two equally satisfying incidents — one in 2012, the other two years earlier — anteaters used their claws to fatally stab Brazilian savages. […]

Shark Fishing Tournament Organizer Dies in Hunting Accident

Imagine my delight upon reading the headline “Monster shark tourney organizer dead in duck hunting accident” in last Tuesday’s edition of The Martha’s Vineyard Times. The story was sent to me by a loyal reader whom we’ll call “Liz.” The Martha’s Vineyard Times report explains that “Steven James, president of the Boston Big Game Fishing […]

On God and Hunting Accidents: Thoughts on Interpretation

I recently became aware of an entrepreneurial faith-salesman who got involved in the fairy-tale business after divine intervention purportedly helped him survive a terrible hunting accident. As reported by a shameless propaganda tool called The Christian Post, “Don Jacobson almost died in a hunting accident, but God saved and transformed his life through a series […]

Rabbit Hunter Dies in “Hare-Trigger Incident”

“I’m hopped-up after reading this wonderful Sky News story about one rabbit hunter fatally shooting another.” I posted that comment on Facebook last month and am thrilled to report today that the deceased actually shot himself. According to a report in the Daily Mail (London), the “rabbit hunter died after being shot in the head […]