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Category Archives: That’s Not Entertainment

Circus Accident Unfortunately Doesn’t Kill Animal Trainers

I heard this morning that numerous cast members from the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus show Legends were hurt during a performance in Providence, Rhode Island, on Sunday. According to the Providence Journal, “at least nine circus performers were seriously injured around noon Sunday when a metal frame holding eight women aloft broke free, sending them crashing to the floor […]

“Chicken Boxing,” Cockfighting, and the Promise of a Fighting Chicken in Every Pot

On April 7, the Louisiana Senate passed legislation designed to close loopholes in the state’s 2008 cockfighting ban. If passed by the state House of Representatives and signed by the governor, the law would broaden the definition of “chicken” to include “any … gamefowl, rooster, or other bird.” It would also allow law-enforcement officials to use […]

On Tea Party Candidate Matt Bevin and Efforts to Legalize Cockfighting in Kentucky

Matt Bevin wants cockfighting enthusiasts to know that they’ll have a friend in Washington if he’s elected to the U.S. Senate in November. He indicated as much when he attended and addressed a cockfighting-legalization rally in Corbin, Kentucky, on March 29. Bevin, who’s hoping to oust loathsome Sen. Mitch McConnell in Kentucky’s Republican primary election on […]

Rattlesnake Wranglers Cling to Gasoline, Entitlement, and Religion

If ever there were a community of subhumans who deserve to be flushed from their trailers with gasoline fumes and slaughtered en masse, it’s the so-called “rattlesnake wranglers” who call Sweetwater, Texas, home. Not only do these useless lowlifes take pleasure in killing rattlesnakes, they’re predictably apoplectic over a proposed regulation that would ban the […]

Monsters at Copenhagen Zoo Inspire Plan for Human Zoo

I’m looking into the possibility of opening a human zoo in Copenhagen. The legalities of the thing will no doubt present some challenges, but I think I’ve found a way to make it work — and to make some real money. To be fair, my good friend Monty Gelstein is the one who suggested calling […]

Animal-Rights Advocates are “Bad Guys,” U.S. Sportsmen’s Alliance Says

In July 2013, Doug Jeanneret, the U.S. Sportsmen’s Alliance’s vice president of marketing, complained petulantly that trapping is “under attack.” In response, I told Doug that his “victimhood-based lament … has the pathetic stench of a bunch of terrorists whining about not having any friends.” “It’s impossible not to be insulted by your paradoxical claim that […]

Backlash to Bindi Irwin Partnering with SeaWorld Turns Violent

I was in line at the bank, minding my own business, when the guy behind me started poking me in the back and asking, “You think this is acceptable?” Apparently, my T-shirt had offended the guy, who, ironically, was wearing a SeaWorld baseball cap. “That ‘Crocodile Hunter’ was good people,” the dim-witted goon insisted. […]

A Bull Rider is Being Gored, Stomped On: “What Would You Do?”

I was reading about an enterprising hippie who became wildly successful by opening a vegan bakery adjacent to a Boulder, Colorado, pot dispensary when the red phone rang. It was my good friend Monty Gelstein, calling to get my input on his pitch to be cast on a ridiculous ABC television show called What Would You […]

MLB Network Should Portray Mike Trout as the Sadistic Thug That He Is

I read recently that NBC executives told athlete-turned figure-skating analyst Johnny Weir that he couldn’t wear fur on camera during the network’s coverage of the 2014 Sochi Games. If only Weir didn’t have to be told that wearing fur — on or off the air — is completely unacceptable. Weir was quoted in a United […]

After Execution of Giraffe, It’s Fair to Compare Copenhagen Zoo Director to Josef Mengele

The following is an open letter to Copenhagen Zoo Scientific Director Bengt Holst, who recently ordered the execution of a healthy 18-month-old giraffe named Marius, whose lifeless body was thereafter publicly butchered and fed to captive lions. Dr. Mengele, Shit, did I just refer to you that way? Well why the hell shouldn’t I? I […]