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Endangered Species Bred for Trophy Hunting

SOMEWHERE IN TEXAS, IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE — State and federal law-enforcement officials have urged hunters to stay away from exotic-animal ranches in Texas, after an “animal-rights manifesto” began circulating on the Internet earlier this week. A nationwide manhunt in under way for the document’s author, an animal-rights activist named Monty Gelstein.

“Mr. Gelstein presents a clear and present danger to trophy hunters in Texas,” a high-ranking federal official told The Daily Maul on condition of anonymity.

In his manifesto, titled The Conservation of America’s Hunters, Gelstein writes: “For other species to thrive requires the sacrifice of some of our own.”

Gelstein’s manifesto appeared on the Internet on Sunday night, after 60 Minutes aired a segment titled “Big Game Hunting,” in which CBS News’ Lara Logan told viewers, “It’s open season on close to 100 species of exotic game all the time (in Texas), because exotic animals are considered personal property.”

Officials believe that the 60 Minutes report, specifically the views expressed by hunters in the segment, “triggered” the release of the manifesto, in which Gelstein writes: “Wildlife conservation is a euphemism for sanctioned slaughter.”

In Logan’s 60 Minutes report, Charly Seale, executive director of the Texas-based Exotic Wildlife Association, said, “Hunters are the main conservationists in this whole equation.”

“Can you call yourselves conservationists when, you know, your purpose, your intent, the thing that’s driving it, is to hunt the animals and to kill them?” Logan asked Seale in her 60 Minutes piece.

“These animals thrive,” Seale responded, “because of that value that they have to the hunting community.”

Asked by Logan, “How can you kill something you love?” Seale explained, “I can do that for the simple reason that I know it’s for the welfare of every one of those animals, you sacrifice one so that many more are born and raised from calves all the way up to the big trophy male or the big trophy females that we have.”

The above-mentioned high-ranking federal official told The Daily Maul, “That’s the kind of rhetoric that really raises the ire of animal-rights activists.”

In Logan’s 60 Minutes piece, Seale said, “Our biggest enemy are the animal-rights people. They don’t understand what we do.”

Officials believe otherwise.

The high-ranking federal official told The Daily Maul, “What Texas trophy hunters need to understand is that they now have an enemy who is hunting them.”

State and federal law-enforcement officials have cautioned hunters against underestimating what they believe is an “imminent threat.”

“We’ve been told by several prominent forensic psychologists that Mr. Gelstein’s pacifism does not extend to hunters,” the high-ranking federal official told The Daily Maul. “There will be those who think that hunting rifles will protect them from Mr. Gelstein. Those folks are going to end up stuffed and hanging on Mr. Gelstein’s wall.”

12 Comments

  1. Scott Babcock wrote:

    Hey Dave,
    Sounds like this Gelstein guy is right up your alley. Wonder if he was raised by cougars in Montana also.
    Classic case of some nut job who considers an animals life to be equal to that of a human beings life. Are there more than two of you who feel this way?
    I feel sorry for you in a way. Must be a lonely confusing life you lead.
    Whatever. Have a great day asshole.
    Oh hey by the way what ever became of that contest you were running here last year?
    Some kind of name the blog or some horseshit idea you had?
    Didn’t find too many folks who actually gave a shit about it?

    Saturday, February 4, 2012 at 6:44 pm | Permalink
  2. David Brensilver wrote:

    Scott,

    Monty Gelstein is my hero. Just wait until he reads your comment. He’s got the patience of a hand grenade.

    Good luck,
    David

    Tuesday, February 7, 2012 at 7:14 pm | Permalink
  3. Abby wrote:

    Texas.

    Saturday, February 4, 2012 at 7:40 pm | Permalink
  4. David Brensilver wrote:

    Abby,

    Everything is more sinister in Texas.

    David

    Tuesday, February 7, 2012 at 7:10 pm | Permalink
  5. Scott Babcock wrote:

    Hey Dave,
    The contest? You were pleading for some like minded mouth breathers as you like to call them to name your blog or something like that?
    Didn’t get a whole lot of interest generated huh?

    Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 11:53 pm | Permalink
  6. David Brensilver wrote:

    Scott,

    When did you stop beating your wife?

    You tell us that, then I’ll answer your question.

    David

    Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm | Permalink
  7. Scott Babcock wrote:

    Hey Dave,
    Beating my wife huh? Listen pal not all of us feel the need to abuse our spouses.
    I understand the frustration you must endure being the bottom in your marriage to your husband. Must truly suck to be living a life such as yours.
    Raised by Cougars Dave?
    No shit huh?
    Well in my case there is no domestic violence going on in the house. Just love. Try it someday. Ask to be the top and see if you can’t have a better day asshole.

    Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 11:42 pm | Permalink
  8. David Brensilver wrote:

    Scott,

    I’m having a terrific, anger-free day.

    Your turn.

    David

    Monday, February 13, 2012 at 10:18 am | Permalink
  9. Jenaka wrote:

    Maybe those “conservationists” should branch out. Breed tigers for their blood and body parts. Or farm endangered bears for their bile. I hear they make a lot of money doing that in Asia. Or breed rhinos for their horns. We’d be swimming in rhinos before you know it. Why settle for just the head of a dead animal on your wall!

    Thursday, February 16, 2012 at 9:13 pm | Permalink
  10. David Brensilver wrote:

    Jenaka,

    Trophy hunters should hunt one another.

    David

    Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 5:07 pm | Permalink
  11. Jess wrote:

    I see Scott is back and being homophobic again. He might not be angry but he sure does know how to spew the hate!

    Friday, February 17, 2012 at 1:13 pm | Permalink
  12. David Brensilver wrote:

    Jess,

    Scott is fearful.

    David

    Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm | Permalink

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