I’m writing to let you know that I’ll be suing you on behalf of American alligators — and in memory of the creature who was executed for tearing your arm off in October 2009.
Are you really surprised that I’d work to put your old, wrinkled ass (minus your right arm) in the poorhouse for causing the alligator’s death?
You shouldn’t be, just as I wasn’t surprised to learn that you’ve sued the owners of the Ocean Creek Golf Club for — according to a court document filed on January 18 of this year — “failing to properly secure the premises … from the aggressive alligator” and “failing to warn the Plaintiff of the presence of the large, aggressive alligator.”
According to Matthew Heller at On Point News, your “case is likely to be a wild goose chase.”
At best, your lawsuit is a pathetic attempt at a (left-handed) money grab.
Sure, my suit against you is about money, too — money I’ll work to take from your (left) hand and give to those who’ll protect American alligators.