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Host of TV Hunting Show Murdered in Montana

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the death and disparage the life of Gregory Rodriguez, a bloodlust-full serial killer whose savage exploits long delighted the drooling class. …”

“You’re not actually going to say that, are you?” an anonymous voice asked from somewhere in the balcony.

“Well someone’s at the wrong memorial service,” I said, encouraging laughter among the congregants at my Washington, D.C.-based church, Karmic Balance Ministries. “This service,” I continued in a serious tone, “is offered in memory of the victims of Mr. Rodriguez’s shameful killing sprees.”

I’d gone off-script, and that was OK.

Ad-libbing like a chatty stoner, I explained to any newcomers that “just as Mr. Rodriguez reveled in the brutal murder of other species, we are brought together today to luxuriate in his equally violent end.”

I offered a toast – one of many – to the measure of karma that had been added to the balance.

Twelve-hundred miles away, in a godforsaken place called Richmond, Texas, a different set of humans gathered at what the Sugar Land Sun (Houston Community Newspapers) had promised would be “a celebration of Gregory Rodriguez’s life.”

Rodriguez, a hunting enthusiast who encouraged and enabled savagery through his Sportsman Channel TV show, A Rifleman’s Journal, and through his bloodthirst-satisfaction concern, Global Adventure Outfitters, was allegedly executed last week by an otherwise unimportant psychopath named Wayne Bengtson, who apparently didn’t like the fact that his wife – whom he viciously assaulted for her part – was entertaining the popular Neanderthal.

“Subsequently, Bengtson was found in his house of an apparent self inflicted gunshot wound to the head,” according to the Sugar Land Sun report, which tells us, quoting language on the Global Adventure Outfitters website, that the loathsome Rodriguez had “taken 140 species of big game” before being slaughtered.

“Our rejoicing is tempered only by the fact that Mr. Rodriguez’s terrorist organization will continue to feed the deranged addictions of cretinous evildoers,” I instructed the enlightened churchgoers before me. “Still, let us remind those who celebrate after visiting death on other species that we have gathered here today with no blood on our hands.”

11 Comments

  1. Caroline wrote:

    I am absolutely thrilled this guy is dead. I just wished that a) it was slower, and b) there really was a hell so he could spend eternity getting devoured alive.

    Friday, March 15, 2013 at 1:02 pm | Permalink
  2. Mark Bastian wrote:

    Hahaha, welcome to the Karma Cafe, your dinner is served, for your main course you ordered: tit for tat and for desert you ordered: an eye for an eye, coming right up sir! I hope you enjoy your meal!

    Friday, March 15, 2013 at 1:27 pm | Permalink
  3. Don Parnell wrote:

    Feel good story of the day.

    Friday, March 15, 2013 at 1:33 pm | Permalink
  4. Ryan Bellerose wrote:

    I am openly against trophy hunting, but celebrating the death of a man and the assault of a woman because the man was a hunter, seems a bit much. some serious hypocrites here.

    Friday, March 15, 2013 at 4:25 pm | Permalink
  5. NIGEL M wrote:

    Good riddance to bad rubbish.

    Friday, March 15, 2013 at 5:59 pm | Permalink
  6. Swift Justice wrote:

    Karma Cafe! With all the havoc this man wreaked upon the earth and it’s inhabitants I say, well deserved.

    Havoc:
    1. great destruction or devastation; ruinous damage.

    Sunday, March 17, 2013 at 1:28 pm | Permalink
  7. Michelle Walker wrote:

    Hahahahahahahahahhaaahahaha dance on his grave diddly diddly dee Yay! Just a shame he wasn’t tortured first

    Sunday, March 17, 2013 at 2:37 pm | Permalink
  8. Timothy Bartlett wrote:

    An article written entirely in hyperbole — this must be the first time an American has ever done this!

    Sunday, March 17, 2013 at 5:40 pm | Permalink
  9. You are possibly the worst excuse for a “writer” the world has ever known. You can go fuck yourself, and while you are at it maybe go fuck your mom as well.

    Tuesday, March 19, 2013 at 11:47 pm | Permalink
  10. Bobby wrote:

    Woooo!!! Glad the MF is dead. I spit and piss on his grave.

    Wednesday, March 20, 2013 at 8:22 pm | Permalink
  11. Lu wrote:

    It is a crying shame that this bastard was killed so many beautiful and endangered species in their homes. It’s almost poetic that someone invaded his home and killed him for yet again taking what wasn’t his. I only wish that he was swallowed by a pack of lions or trampled by wildebeest instead of shot by another human being. Karma is the great equalizer I just wish she could bring back the ones that fell senselessly.

    Friday, March 22, 2013 at 7:39 pm | Permalink

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