Once in a while, in addition to giving us reason to celebrate, news of a fatal hunting incident can provide a decent grammar lesson.
First, the news.
According to the Associated Press, an inebriated dimwit in Florida, while taking a break from killing fish, checked to see if his handgun was loaded by putting the thing to his largely empty noggin and pulling the trigger. A fatal head wound revealed the answer.
I learned about the incident when my good friend Monty Gelstein called to suggest a headline.
“Hunter Population Numbers One Less After Fisherman Blows Head Off,” Monty shouted, gleefully, into the receiver.
“One fewer,” I said.
“What’s the goddamned difference, dude?” he asked.
“You’re such an annoying geek,” Monty said. “You should be dancing, not quibbling about grammar, of all things.”
“I’ll dance when all the hunters are gone,” I told him.
I found the AP story on the WPTV website and immediately took issue with the report’s description of the incident as being an “accident.”
“Can’t you just enjoy the moment — and the fact that at very least the deceased will never again kill another animal?” Monty asked.
Mentally unbalanced as he is, Monty had a point. And so I danced …