Yesterday, my friend Liddy directed my attention to an Associated Press report with this lede: “Montana wildlife regulators suspect more and more people are faking disabilities to take advantage of privileges granted to disabled hunters, so they want to remove one of those perks in hopes of curbing abuse.”
Naturally, I reacted by suggesting in my response to Liddy that “animals should fake being wounded so they can lure hunters to come close enough to maul.”
From the Associated Press report: “Permits to hunt from a vehicle … are given to Montana hunters with certain disabilities certified by a doctor, chiropractor, nurse or physician’s assistant. … In some prime hunting areas, those permit holders are allowed to drive along roadways normally gated and closed to all other vehicles. They are also allowed to shoot cow elk without buying an additional antlerless elk license, even in some areas where licenses aren’t available to the general public. That kind of access has led to abuse of the permits by apparently healthy hunters, Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks officials said.”
Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks officials have reacted by giving “initial approval … to a plan that would ban holders of the special permit from shooting shoot cow elk with just a general big-game permit,” according to the Associated Press report.
At issue is who gets to kill what, and how.
Apparently, for the past several years, “holders of the special permit” have been afforded the privilege of satisfying their bloodlust, at the peril of Montana’s cow elk population, without having to fill out any extra paperwork.
In reality, it hasn’t been too difficult to obtain a special termination dispensation (STD) in Montana.
While “the permit qualifications are set in state law,” the Associated Press report tells us, proof of disability can be confirmed “by a doctor, chiropractor, nurse or physician’s assistant.”
A chiropractor? Really? Why not a shaman, or a Ouija board?
To be honest, I could care less how, where, and from whom a Montana hunter acquires an STD. I take issue with those who would like to ensure that animals in Montana are murdered by hunters who are willing to kill by the rules.
Lest I be accused of bitching without offering a solution, I hereby propose a policy change that would allow — fuck that, would require — Montana hunters with STDs to shoot able-bodied hunters.