Have you always wanted to watch a saltwater crocodile tear the head off a dim-witted tourist? Can you hold a video camera steady? If you answered “yes” to these two questions, apply now for an internship at The Daily Maul. While interns are not offered salaries, they are fed massive servings of delicious schadenfreude.
The Daily Maul is looking for a few uniquely qualified interns to work as multimedia correspondents on the Adelaide River, in Australia’s Northern Territory. Successful applicants will spend their days on the water with the good folks at Adelaide River Cruises and the tourists who pay top dollar to experience the exhilaration of coming face-to-face with a saltwater crocodile.
Upon seeing NT News photographer Katrina Bridgeford’s picture of Brutus, successful applicants will have had visions of a tourist being torn apart like a Thanksgiving turkey at a soup kitchen.
Successful applicants will be expected to gain the trust of Adelaide River Cruises clients and encourage behavior that will result in video (and audio) recordings of tourists’ heads being removed from their bodies by Brutus and other local crocodiles.
Tourists aboard Adelaide River Cruises vessels should be coaxed into a fall sense of security with such encouraging words as:
Harry’s been doing this for years — without incident.
Live a little, for god’s sake!
Can you even see Brutus from where you’re standing?
Hold this piece of meat over the water — as close to the water’s surface as possible.
Want to experience a real rush? Lean way over the side of the boat and let Brutus kiss you.
Interested candidates should detail their unique qualifications in the comments section beneath this post. Successful applicants will be notified publicly.