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Tag Archives: attack

Meet “Kid Schadenfreude,” a 4-Year-Old Animal-Attack Connoisseur

Yesterday, I ran into a friend whom I hadn’t seen in several years. It came up in conversation that her 4-year-old son is a budding connoisseur of successful animal-on-human attacks. Naturally, I proposed that my friend, whom we’ll call “Lady Gogo,” read my latest blog post to her son and record his reaction. My most […]

Alligator 1, Reckless Dude 0

I have an idea for a short comedic film about a guy being killed by an alligator. As the film begins, we meet a reckless young man who’s preparing to go for a swim in a Texas bayou. Scoffing at posted and verbal warnings that alligators had recently been spotted in the area, he disrobes and dives in. […]

Giant Anteaters Fatally Maul Hunters in Brazil

Imagine my delight upon reading the headline “Two Hunters Attacked and Killed by Giant Anteaters in Brazil.” Anteaters? Who knew? But hell, I’ll take it. And I hope the hunters suffered. In two equally satisfying incidents — one in 2012, the other two years earlier — anteaters used their claws to fatally stab Brazilian savages. […]

Identify, Boycott Tourism-Driven Businesses that Support Western Australia Shark Cull

ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) has reported that a fatal shark attack on Saturday claimed the life of a man who was spearfishing in waters off Yorke Peninsula, in South Australia. The incident — a measure of karmic retribution, I’d like to think — should be viewed as an example of an extremely rare occurrence […]

Western Australia Shark Cull is a Greed-Driven, Savage Solution to a Nonproblem

A state-sponsored shark cull in Western Australia claimed its first victim on Sunday. According to a report in The Australian, “a commercial fisherman hired by the Barnett government pulled a 3m female tiger shark from the waters off Meelup Beach. As the animal thrashed about in the water in apparent agony, it was shot four times […]

Elephant Brutally Executed for Daring to Behave Like an Elephant

The South African Press Association is reporting that “several people have reacted with outrage at the Kruger National Park’s decision to kill an aggressive elephant bull that attacked a couple on Monday.” Add me to the list of those who are infuriated by park officials’ vengeful behavior. The gist of the story is that a […]

Inexplicably, No One Captures Video of Piranha Attack in Argentina

Would someone please tell me how 70 people swimming in a river on Christmas Day can be bitten by piranhas without a single onlooker capturing the attacks on video? What kind of voyeuristic society lets an incident like this unfold without documenting the carnage? For the love of grapefruit, people, video of the audacious fish […]

Crocodile Attacks Surfer in Costa Rica, Environment Minister Should Do Nothing

The following letter was sent to René Castro, Costa Rica’s environment and energy minister. Hi René, I understand that you’re contemplating what to do about a crocodile who on Sunday inflicted a few superficial wounds on a Spanish surfer. If you’re a rational person, you’ll do absolutely nothing. In case you haven’t been briefed on […]

Police Murder Four Crocodiles After One Allegedly Kills Idiotic Partygoer

More than once, I’ve been asked how I can possibly say that a human life is no more precious than that of another species. Today, in memory of four crocodiles who were brutally slain for being crocodiles, I’m able to offer a fresh example. Authorities (and I use that word with ample contempt) in Australia’s […]

Pious Drunk in Alaska Endangers Bear’s Life

On its face, a news report out of Alaska about a man’s tussle with a black bear seems to have a happy ending, inasmuch as both survived the encounter. The truth of the matter is that the bear is alive, fortunately, in large part because the human in question made it painfully (if you’ll pardon […]