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Tag Archives: bear attack

Bears Who Didn’t Attack Florida Woman Executed by Wildlife Gestapo

After 54-year-old Seminole County, Florida, resident Susan Chalfant sustained injuries during a Dec. 2, 2013, encounter with a black bear, the state’s vengeful Wildlife Gestapo profiled, captured, and executed two animals and imprisoned three others. No sooner had the state’s death squad executed a female bear than they turned their punitive attention to a male […]

Bear Euthanized, Cub Orphaned After Florida Attack

Central Florida residents have long been encouraged to appreciate and peacefully coexist with bears — unless, of course, a bear dares to wander out of residents’ nightmares and onto their streets. With the 13th annual Florida Black Bear Festival scheduled to take place in Umatilla on March 31, one would-be guest of honor has been […]

Man Sentenced in Bear Attack Murder Plot

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player Clyde Gardner’s plan to kill a bear and wear its carcass to carry out the murder of his estranged girlfriend was ridiculously stupid. Even he, the alcoholic loser, sensed as much and opted instead to ask a friend to murder the woman in a phony automobile accident. I’m relieved that […]

Bear-Attack Victim Shot, Killed by Friend

Last week, I challenged claims that Ty Bell “has a soft spot” for wildlife and “true hunter ethic.” Bell, for those unfamiliar with the bloodthirsty mouth-breather, was heroized by hunting apologists for killing a grizzly bear in an effort to save his hunting buddy’s superfluous life. In railing against this heroizing — and against the […]

Bear Doesn’t Attack, Gets Killed Anyway

Reports of a bear attacking two young campers in New Jersey last week were insultingly bogus. What we now know is that an eighteen-month-old black bear has been executed for scaring young campers in New Jersey. According to The Star-Ledger’s initial report (to which the Associated Press contributed): “The two boys, who sustained superficial wounds […]

“What to Do About the Bear”? Do Nothing

I’m crossing my fingers that officials in Alaska have read the National Outdoor Leadership School’s mission and values statements. I’d like nothing more than to learn that a brown bear cub isn’t about to become an orphan just because his mother protected him from a handful of teenagers on Saturday. What makes me nervous is […]

Not Everyone’s a Bloodthirsty Cretin

I was outside, looking for a suitable place to keep bees, when I heard the unmistakable screech of a pterodactyl on steroids blaring through the loudspeakers on my deck. Someone was trying to reach me on the red phone, a dedicated line whose number I only give to my most trusted sources. “A grizzly killed […]

Bear Executed for Being a Bear

Once again, a human’s encounter with another animal species has resulted in the senseless death of the latter. Oh, how we love wildlife, as long as we’re in control — as long as another species doesn’t fuck with us. We all know what happens when another animal species wanders out of the forest and onto […]

Donate Funds in Memory of Grizzly Bear — Not on Behalf of “Bear-Mauling Victim”

A grizzly bear was executed in Nome, Alaska, last month after defending himself from a trio of murderous, mouth-breathing rednecks. Unfortunately, so-called “bear-mauling victim” Wes Perkins — as described in a May 18 Anchorage Daily News headline — survived. From a May 17 Anchorage Daily News story: “A grizzly bear mauled the former fire chief […]

Dear Mrs. Chickenshit, Call Off the Hunt

Dear Mrs. Chickenshit (I’m forced to assign you this nickname because you refuse to identify yourself to the public), I would like you to insist that Washington Department of Fish & Wildlife officials call off their hunt for the bear that allegedly attacked you. After all, you don’t blame the bear, according to KIRO News, […]