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Tag Archives: deer

Remembering the Victims After Celebrated Deer Tracker Larry Benoit Dies

We are gathered here today to remember the victims of Lanyard “Larry” Benoit, a monstrous serial killer whose cervine victims numbered in the hundreds. While we’ll forever mourn the deaths of the deer who tragically ended up in Benoit’s gun sight, let us take comfort in the news that the animals’ killer will henceforth spill […]

Leave Connecticut Deer Population Alone, “Manage” Hunters

A recent study has revealed that Connecticut would benefit from a reduction in the number of humans living in Fairfield County. Without getting into specific numbers, the recommendation is to cull the segment of the county’s human population by the number of hunters therein. In other words, culling Fairfield County’s human population by whatever percentage […]

Connecticut Hunter Gets Jail Time After Thuggish Son Shoots Beagles

A worthless goon in Connecticut is serving a paltry prison sentence for his teenage son’s thuggish behavior. The Journal Inquirer reported last month that an “Enfield man who admitted complicity in his 13-year-old son’s shooting and killing of three beagles after they interfered with his hunting of deer in Suffield last fall was sentenced … […]

Legislation to Protect Canned Hunting Facilities Proposed in Indiana

Legislation has been proposed in Indiana that would protect that state’s captive deer hunting industry, including the so-called “deer farmers” who breed the victims. In its latest form, proposed Indiana Senate Bill No. 487 “provides for the licensing and operation of cervidae hunting preserves on which legally farm raised and released cervidae are hunted.” According […]

Pippa Middleton Takes Part in Belgian Deer, Boar Hunt

Like her older sister, Kate Middleton (the Duchess of Cambridge, for those willing to recognize such ridiculous and pompous titles), Pippa Middleton is attracted to entitled barbarians whose bloodlust betrays a cretinism that contradicts their claims of sophistication and class. The Australian Associated Press has reported that “royal in-law Pippa Middleton has again found herself […]

Hunters Shooting at Same Deer Results in Dead Hunter

A researcher at the Center for Fewer Humans believes that the karmic balance is directly influenced by coronal mass ejections. In The Effects of Solar Phenomena on the Karmic Balance, Marcus Aurelius Armitage wrote that the recent death of a deer hunter in Maine provided “incontrovertible evidence that CMEs have a disproportionate, adverse impact on […]

Spanish Tourism Official Poses with Deer’s Testicles

I was mainlining Jeppson’s Malört and shadowboxing when the red phone rang. It was my good friend Monty Gelstein, calling from a cheesy Majorcan dance club. “Did you get my e-mail?” Monty shouted over some generic, 120-beat-per-minute noise pollution. I lit a cigarette and logged on to the Internet, holding the receiver at arm’s length […]

Wounded Deer Attacks Gutless Hunter

Posthumously, a brave and spirited deer has my enduring gratitude for refusing to die senselessly and without complaint. While the deer wasn’t able to end the life of his savage assailant, he did manage to convince his murderer to kill no more. As the New Hampshire Union Leader reported, “Everett Gray said he plans to retire […]

After Attack, Whining Hunter Calls Deer a “Monster”

KPLC 7 News, Lake Charles, Louisiana Imagine my delight upon reading the headline “Deer hunter attacked by deer, fights for his life.” Now understand the rage I experienced as it quickly became depressingly clear that this was yet another sensationalism-steeped news story designed to make heroes of bloodthirsty hunters and a “monster” of their brutally […]

California Deer Attack Lawsuit Should Invoke Holocaust

Generally speaking, I’m not a fan of the hyper-litigious among us. Sometimes, though, he who is hell-bent on taking his pound of flesh from the ruling class deserves a little encouragement — if not a bit of direction. A report in the Marin Independent Journal tells us that “a Bolinas (California) man who says he […]