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Tag Archives: Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission

Alligator Executed After Encounter with Florida Woman

Animals almost always lose. It’s the maddening reality that motivated me to launch this blog in the first place. The latest example of humankind’s arrogant expectation that other species play by our absurd rules involves a Florida woman who nearly lost one of her hands to an alligator when she reached into the water to retrieve a […]

Bears Who Didn’t Attack Florida Woman Executed by Wildlife Gestapo

After 54-year-old Seminole County, Florida, resident Susan Chalfant sustained injuries during a Dec. 2, 2013, encounter with a black bear, the state’s vengeful Wildlife Gestapo profiled, captured, and executed two animals and imprisoned three others. No sooner had the state’s death squad executed a female bear than they turned their punitive attention to a male […]

The Future of Hunting in Florida Promises “Future Generations” of Savage Evildoers

Those who would advocate managing this planet’s human population need look no further for a place to start than the Future of Hunting in Florida, a terrorist organization that is “recruiting and retaining” the state’s most savage evildoers. According to its website, “the Future of Hunting in Florida … is the voice speaking for our […]

Florida Python Harvest Prompts Competing “Problem Species” Cull

SOMEWHERE IN FLORIDA, IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE – State and federal law-enforcement authorities are urging residents not to participate in the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission’s 2013 Python Challenge out of concern that participants’ lives could be in danger. Speaking on condition of anonymity, a commission staffer told The Daily Maul that his “superiors […]

Alligator Bites Off Florida Airboat Captain’s Hand

Since he lost one of his hands to an alligator on Tuesday, Wallace Weatherholt’s friends, family, and coworkers have indicated that they plan to raise money to help support the Everglades tour guide’s recovery. I’m encouraging people, including Mr. Weatherholt, to donate funds to wildlife-protection organizations in memory of the alligator who was executed for […]

Adapt Florida “Stand Your Ground” Law for Animal Rights

In his March 26 column “Repeal the ‘Stand Your Ground’ law,” The Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson wrote, “The ‘Stand Your Ground’ laws in Florida and other states should all be repealed. At best, they are redundant. At worst, as in the Trayvon Martin killing, they are nothing but a license to kill.” Perhaps instead of […]

Bear Euthanized, Cub Orphaned After Florida Attack

Central Florida residents have long been encouraged to appreciate and peacefully coexist with bears — unless, of course, a bear dares to wander out of residents’ nightmares and onto their streets. With the 13th annual Florida Black Bear Festival scheduled to take place in Umatilla on March 31, one would-be guest of honor has been […]

Rosie O’Donnell Kills Sharks, Whines About Criticism

Ms. O’Donnell, If you didn’t want animal-rights advocates hoping to one day see images of you being circled by sharks in the waters off Miami Beach, you probably shouldn’t have posed for a photograph with a dead hammerhead. Petulant comments on your Twitter feed such as “i went fishing with my family … we caught […]

General Sturgeon Warning Goes Unheeded

On May 27, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission issued a news release with the headline: “Be safe this weekend around Suwannee River sturgeon.” Apparently, Tina Fletcher wasn’t paying attention. “She was riding on a 16-foot-long Freedom Craft air prop airboat when the fish jumped and hit her leg,” commission spokeswoman Karen Parker was […]