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Tag Archives: fur

MLB Network Should Portray Mike Trout as the Sadistic Thug That He Is

I read recently that NBC executives told athlete-turned figure-skating analyst Johnny Weir that he couldn’t wear fur on camera during the network’s coverage of the 2014 Sochi Games. If only Weir didn’t have to be told that wearing fur — on or off the air — is completely unacceptable. Weir was quoted in a United […]

Super Bowl Showcases Animal Exploitation, Celebrates Cultural Ugliness

Today, millions of Americans will be encouraged to discuss their favorite Super Bowl commercials. I found many of the ads disgusting — not necessarily because of what they were promoting, but because of who was bullied into doing the selling. A Bengal tiger was used to sell the Ford Fusion Hybrid. A llama was used to […]

“Skin the Trapper” Prize: Literally, the Skin Off the Trapper’s Back

The Daily Maul has partnered with wealthy animal-rights advocate and philanthropist Monty Gelstein and Schadenfreude-Fantasy Productions to produce a new reality TV show called Skin the Trapper, a treasure hunt-style competition in which contestants race to find a snared trapper and skin him alive before local wildlife puts the captured savage out of his deserved […]

Hasidim in Fur Hats: Shtreimel Says, “I’m an Asshole”

I was sitting in the window of a newly opened vegan restaurant in Montreal’s Mile End neighborhood when my wife started asking questions about the Hasidic Jews passing by on Rue Bernard. “What’s with the hats?” she wanted to know, nodding discreetly at the stupid, lampshade-like headpiece one approaching Hasid wore. “How the fuck should […]

Fur-Focused Fashion Model: Archetype of a Cretinous Subhuman

What follows is a portion of a lecture I gave recently in the education department at the International Prison for the Drooling Class. The students who were required to attend my lecture are the indefinitely detained cretinous spawn of recently executed members of the aforementioned drooling class, which is defined in my syllabus as “those […]

Fur or Freedom? Beyonce, Jay-Z Wear Slain Furbearers to Inauguration

While President Barack Obama on Monday called for a renewed commitment to the guarantee of equality and freedom for all citizens, at least a few of his guests suggested to those watching the inauguration ceremony that such security need not extend to species other than our own. For its reportage (a generous use of the […]

Fur Shop Closes After Cruelty-Free Clothing Store Opens Nearby

CHICAGO, IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE – A furrier whose Gold Coast boutique had long attracted the patronage of Chicago’s drooling class has closed its doors after being driven out of business by a pop-up clothier specializing in garments and accessories crafted from human flesh. “I’ve been robbed of my life,” Cal Lousprick, the dispirited owner […]

Monday Maul: Wearing Fur, Lady Gaga Suffers Wardrobe Malfunction

LONDON, IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE — Popular recording artist Lady Gaga was killed today in what can be best described as a beautifully violent wardrobe malfunction. Police, paparazzi, and histrionic preteen girls said the singer was brutally savaged by fur-bearing animals who’d initially looked like costume adornments. Stefani Germanotta, who was known to her fans […]

Monday Maul: The Row Over Olsen Twins’ Fur Backpacks

NEW YORK, IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE — Iconic crocodilian fashion designer al-Liga t’Or’s latest, one-of-a-kind luxury accessory has raised the ire of a human-rights organization that opposes what’s come to be known as “runway retribution.” “The coexistence movement will not achieve its goals as long as designers like al-Liga t’Or continue to punish their human […]

Monday Maul: New Anti-Fur Attack on Kim Kardashian Follows Flour Bomb

SOMEWHERE IN HOLLYWOOD, IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE — Even the paparazzi lining the red carpet at a launch event for Kim Kardashian’s new shampoo line were horrified when the reality TV star was fatally mauled on Monday by the fox stole she was wearing. “I thought maybe some lunatic animal-rights activist might try to flour-bomb […]