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Tag Archives: piranha

Inexplicably, No One Captures Video of Piranha Attack in Argentina

Would someone please tell me how 70 people swimming in a river on Christmas Day can be bitten by piranhas without a single onlooker capturing the attacks on video? What kind of voyeuristic society lets an incident like this unfold without documenting the carnage? For the love of grapefruit, people, video of the audacious fish […]

Drunk Teen in Bolivia Commits Suicide by Piranha

On November 28, I invited those “who’ve abused and brutally killed animals” to apply to my River of Blood Baptism Program. Having read in the Daily Mail that “thousands of flesh-eating piranhas have infested a Brazilian river beach popular with tourists,” I knew I’d found the perfect location for my recently established human-sacrifice initiative. Imagine […]

Piranhas Infest River in Brazil, Baptisms Planned

I have just appointed myself Judge, Jury, and Executioner for All International Cases of Animal Abuse and Cruelty. I’d been thinking about offering myself the position since North Carolina Gov. Bev Perdue failed to respond in a timely fashion to my November 21 e-mail, in which I asked her to appoint me judge, jury, and […]