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Tag Archives: Santorum

NRLC Victory: Crocodile Bites Man’s Testicles

The drooling class is up in arms after a crocodile performed a nonconsensual vasectomy on an Zimbabwean farmer. “Monsters and demons have escaped from our nightmares and are threatening our very existence,” said a creepy religious freak whose name I didn’t get. The creepy religious freak made his paranoid comments in response to a report […]

Romney, Santorum Vie for Animal-Cruelty Vote

Mitt Romney is doing his best to neuter Rick Santorum by calling him “a champion of earmarks.” Romney lapdog Tim Pawlenty made that charge yesterday, according to Romney’s website, which, on Sunday, chided Santorum for having “secured hundreds of thousands of dollars to build a ‘luxurious’ polar bear exhibit at the Pittsburgh Zoo.” Were he […]

Santorum Teaches Son to Hunt, Pander

On the day after Christmas, with the Iowa caucuses barely more than a week away, Rick Santorum donned an orange National Rifle Association baseball cap and showed his son John how to bend over for those who might make a desperate dream come true. As if anyone cared, the Republican presidential candidate’s website had announced […]