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Tag Archives: shot

One Murderer Kills Another’s Would-Be Victim

A greedy murderer in northeastern England is whining that one of her would-be victims was mortally wounded by a sadistic interloper. According to The Press, “Joe Beckett, who farms near Marton, discovered one of her sheep with gunshots [sic] wounds early on Tuesday morning. … Its injuries were so severe it had to be euthanised.” “As farmers […]

What a Surprise: Hunters Don’t Like Being Shot At

After gunning down a few ducks last month in Wisconsin, a couple of gutless savages had the audacity to complain about a few shotgun blasts being fired in their direction. According to the Duluth, Minn.-based ABC affiliate WDIO, “within minutes of shooting two mallards, the hunters became the hunted.” Van Hawkinson, who fired the protest […]

Rabbit Hunter Dies in “Hare-Trigger Incident”

“I’m hopped-up after reading this wonderful Sky News story about one rabbit hunter fatally shooting another.” I posted that comment on Facebook last month and am thrilled to report today that the deceased actually shot himself. According to a report in the Daily Mail (London), the “rabbit hunter died after being shot in the head […]

Hunting Accidents Prove Hunters are “Remarkably Stupid”

“Does this dress make me look like a moose?” That’s the question 68-year-old Newfoundlander Joan Primer should have asked before attending a family get-together in November 2011. To be fair, Primer had no reason to believe that she’d be “shot in the shoulder while enjoying a ‘boil-up’ with her family,” to quote from a June […]

Mistaken for Hog, Hunter Shot; Hog Insulted by Mistaken-Identity Claim

In a recent interview with The Daily Maul, an angry hog from South Carolina complained bitterly about his species being indirectly blamed for the death of a hunter in that state. According to a recent WHNS-TV (Greenville) news report, “Greenwood County deputies said a man in a deer stand shot and killed a fellow hunter, […]

Hunters Shooting at Same Deer Results in Dead Hunter

A researcher at the Center for Fewer Humans believes that the karmic balance is directly influenced by coronal mass ejections. In The Effects of Solar Phenomena on the Karmic Balance, Marcus Aurelius Armitage wrote that the recent death of a deer hunter in Maine provided “incontrovertible evidence that CMEs have a disproportionate, adverse impact on […]

Man Shot in Face Trying to Slaughter Pig

Sometimes, karma singles someone out and gets right in his face. Such was the case of a California man who ate a .22 caliber bullet instead of feasting on the pig he was trying to slaughter. An October 13 CBS 13 (Sacramento) news story explained that “it started as a pig slaughter and ended with […]

British Court Convicts Man Who Shot, Stabbed Dog

LONDON — Organizers of the 2012 Summer Olympics, whose opening ceremonies on July 27 in London will kick off the Games of the XXX Olympiad, are hoping to boost television ratings by publicly executing a man who was recently convicted of torturing his bull terrier to the point that the dog had to be put […]

Would-Be Rabbit Killer Accidentally Shoots Himself

I’m pleased to report that Death paid an obviously long-overdue visit last month to Marko Tomović, a 21-year-old Serbian savage who was trying desperately to satisfy his bloodlust when Karma called. From “The police said that Tomović ‘saw a rabbit, that was not moving, by the side of the road.’ This prompted him to […]

Mouse Leads Cops to Shooting Victim, Sexual Abuse

A “bizarre string of events,” as aptly described by The Salt Lake Tribune, has provided further evidence that pharmaceutical research and testing should be conducted on humans, and not on animals. In the video clip provided above, KSL-TV anchor Nadine Wimmer explains: “A Taylorsville man trying to get rid of a mouse in his house […]