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Tag Archives: suicide

How Can Hunter Live With Himself After Shooting, Killing Brother?

I was working on a novella called Baptism by Piranha when the red phone rang. It was my good friend Monty Gelstein, calling to update me on his search for a way to partially light the darkness. “There was a fatal hunting accident in northeastern Utah over the weekend, and all I can think about are the bastards who live to […]

Hunter Suicide Encouragement Task Force Forming

The Daily Maul is looking for a few fully evolved psychological ninjas to join a Hunter Suicide Encouragement Task Force, a group that will be dedicated to convincing bloodlust-full members of the drooling class to take their own worthless lives. Monty Gelstein, a wealthy philanthropist and tireless animal-rights advocate who will chair the HSETF, promised that “getting […]

Suicide by Crocodile Draws Attention to Holocaust in Thailand

Ordinarily, headlines promising details of a suicide by crocodile would thrill me to no end. And it was with great anticipation and enthusiasm that I read a recent news report about a Thai woman who apparently ended it all in just that manner. According to the International Business Times, “Tiphawan Prakarn, 36, never returned from […]

Drunk Teen in Bolivia Commits Suicide by Piranha

On November 28, I invited those “who’ve abused and brutally killed animals” to apply to my River of Blood Baptism Program. Having read in the Daily Mail that “thousands of flesh-eating piranhas have infested a Brazilian river beach popular with tourists,” I knew I’d found the perfect location for my recently established human-sacrifice initiative. Imagine […]