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Wish for Snake-Handling Pastor to Die from Snake Bite Comes True

U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Photo

U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Photo

“It’s quite possible that we’ll read someday of Coots’ untimely death – that he was spewing his ridiculous gibberish when one of his reptilian slaves decided he’d had enough of life as a biblical prop.”

I wrote those prophetic words (if I many indulge in a bit of irony) one year ago today, in a commentary about Kentucky faith salesman Jamie Coots having his reptilian slaves confiscated by Tennessee law-enforcement officials.

Imagine my delight upon reading that Coots died on Saturday as a result of being bitten by one of his previously or more recently acquired slaves.

The Knoxville, Tenn.-based NBC affiliate WBIR reported that “after surviving several previous snake bites, a bite on Saturday evening killed him.”

The WBIR report tells us that “Coots starred on the reality show Snake Salvation alongside Pastor Andrew Hamblin, from LaFollette. The National Geographic show profiled the pastors’ efforts to keep their snake-handling religious traditions alive.”

Just last month, I told you that “fifty-five snakes are dead, thanks to a loathsome religious fanatic named Andrew Hamblin who enslaved the creatures for use in his sickening faith-selling act. In November 2013, officials from the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency raided the Tabernacle Church of God and confiscated 55 snakes who were transferred from Hamblin’s torturous prison to another wildlife penitentiary, the Knoxville Zoo.”

There, 39 of the snakes, who were gravely ill, died, and the remaining animals were euthanized by zoo officials.

The snakes who were taken from Coots’ custody last year were imprisoned in another wildlife concentration camp, the Rainforest Adventure Zoo, in Sevierville, Tenn.

As I wrote in my Feb. 20, 2013, commentary, “the imprisoned snakes deserve better and should not have been kidnapped from their natural habitats in the first place. … If Coots and his dim-witted ilk want to rant like methamphetamine-addicted lunatics in some unintelligible patois while acting out their favorite fairy tales, they should go right ahead. What they shouldn’t do is forcibly cast other species in their childish dramatizations.”

I also wrote, “Hopefully, the execution will be captured on high-definition video.”

Unfortunately, to my knowledge, Coots’ death was not captured on video. I realize and am glad that Snake Salvation wasn’t renewed by the National Geographic Channel. Still, Coots should have been resourceful enough to “prove” to the world that God was on his side.

After being bitten on Saturday, the pious moron refused medical attention, convinced that He would intervene.

Coots should’ve had cameras installed in his Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus Name, and in his home, so that members of his dim-witted flock could watch their fearless leader harness His miraculous strength. While the faithful would have been disappointed in His unwillingness to save their beloved pastor, I would have been treated to a massive dose of schadenfreude.

Getting to watch one of Coots’ slaves demonstrate that in reality — whether that reality is broadcast on TV or not — there is no divine intervention would’ve have thrilled me to no end.

That being the case, there’s no reason for creeps like Coots and Hamblin to continue to enslave snakes. Surely, they can reimagine their childish dramatizations.

In my Jan. 24 commentary, I cited a WBIR report that quoted one of Hamblin’s parishioners, Machelle Tinch, as saying, “In the bible it says they shall take up serpents. And I think that if you’ve got the power of God, the anointing of God, that you can pick up a snake, you can drink poison, you can handle fire, you can do anything if you have God.”

And I wrote, “If you feel compelled to prove that ‘you’ve got the power of God,’ go ahead and impress the rest of us by drinking poison and playing with fire.”

If the folks at the National Geographic Channel want to give the lunatic fringe another shot at prime time (without participating in the exploitation of other species), they ought to produce a reality TV series in which freaks like Tinch attempt those kinds of magic tricks.

One Comment

  1. catherine podojil wrote:

    Oh, I so wish it had been taped. I’m not a very nice person, I guess.

    Thanks for the Squirrel Slam song and for all the other work you do.

    Saturday, February 22, 2014 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

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